Monday, July 27, 2009

Spreading his Wings

Since taking the leap and finally mastering TWO wheels on our recent vacation, my youngest boy has been itching to join his big brother... to have the freedom, and trust, to be able to ride to school (well, daycare right now) in the mornings.

And his grin says it all - he's THRILLED.

And I know you can't see my face.... if you could, you'd know I'm every bit as terrified as he is excited!
But how could I say no? We've told him all along that the only reason he can't ride to school (and his brother can) was that he hadn't ditched the training wheels yet. Now I'm wishing we'd said it was because he wasn't 10 yet or something....
He's my baby boy.... and, to me, so much younger than the 17 months separating him from his older brother. My oldest has been riding to school, as often as weather permits, since the snow melted away for good. I'm his mom too... so yeah, I have a little fear inside me for him as well.... that inner maternal voice that whispers of all the scary things (like maniac drivers) that could harm our babies when they're out of our protective sight - but I trust him to be aware of his surroundings at least and make the journey across a couple of larger streets, safely.

My little man though? No so aware.

He's always been really good at focusing on what's got his attention.... but it's also always been an all-consuming thing for him. He focuses on things to exclusion of all else around him.

I remember him as a toddler.... enthralled by something on the television.... and my husband and I, and my parents, yelling and stomping and TRYING to get his attention to move to us - even for a second.

We couldn't.

It was so bad that we actually took him to have his hearing tested because we were afraid he might be deaf! (They insist he isn't deaf....apparently his ABILITY to hear is perfect - he just doesn't see or hear when he's focused on something else!).

That's just a mildly frustrating thing for us and his teachers to deal with on a daily basis.... but it could be a very dangerous thing for him if he's concentrating on staying upright or focusing on the feel of riding and doesn't see or hear an approaching vehicle.... or notice an upcoming cross street in time to stop and look before cruising across.

So it scares me. But I couldn't break his heart - so, under the protection of his big brother, I let him go. TOGETHER (only together).

And he's beyond thrilled with his taste of finally being "big enough".

(I just need to control my urge to follow along behind in the van - it would kinda squelch the joy for him, no? Bad enough I can't help but drive the route 20 minutes behind them and pass the school just to see the two bikes safely locked in place!)


Anonymous said...

He does look so proud ... I would want to follow as well but I do have to say I relaxed a bit knowing you drive the route after them :) I would do the same thing ...

Mbdiamond said...

(just so long as they don't SEE me, lol)