Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Spinning....

Spinning my wheels, spinning in circles.... constantly running and never seeming to keep up with it all is just my flavour of the day right now.... or maybe flavour of the month - or year.

God there just aren't enough hours in a day! It's scary how time is flying... we're whizzing through life... years go by in a blink.

I remember when time moved slow.

I remember as a little girl how the weekend was SO far off when I arrived at school on another Monday. I remember the eternity from one birthday to another.... or how it seemed like Halloween (or Christmas, or Easter) would never get here! Every time I hear my children making similar comments it takes me back.... and makes me think.

What I don't remember was when that changed.

At point point did the world start spinning faster on it's axis? At what age did days turn into months turn into years? Does it ever slow down again?

I'm fixated on this. I ask almost every older person I run into at some point or another.... and you know what they all say?

"Nope"

Apparently this is nothing. I guess time is relative and less you have left of it, the faster it continues to slip through your fingers .... until *poof*.... it runs out.

I'm trying to hang onto as much as I can of it.... through the whirlwind of our day to day lives I try to take a moment to appreciate something pretty or funny or enchanting. Get into a conversation with my kids, instead of just nodding and 'um-humming' while I make a mental list of where I'm going or what I need to do next. Laugh with them... go for a walk with no destination....

I take pictures.... I try to remember to snap the mundane along with the special occasions... the faces around the breakfast table... lounging on the couch watching TV - or wrestling in our bed. Because I know what I'll want to look back on is not just the special times but the way we were.... everyday.

I'm making the time to write this all down. I wonder what I'll think of myself when I look back. Will I laugh at my *young-ish* self one day - like I do when I think back to some of my thoughts/feelings/beliefs when I was in high school? Or am I done becoming "Me".... who I am, never to change now? I can't know. The only thing I can know is that if I don't take the time to document it, I won't even have the opportunity to reminisce. Memory is fickle.... I know some of my childhood memories have evolved over the years... and even though I "remember" them to be true, they may not resemble actual past happenings as much as I think they do (something that's been pointed out to me by older people in my family ;)

But this is real. Solid. Black & White. True.

So much time has past already... so many days that are only memories - with nothing to remind me of how I felt .... to take me back. And even with the desire to HOLD that my evolving realization of how time works brings me, I'm still letting days go by! I'll try to do better... more consistent... more memories.

For me and maybe for my children.... a way to remember these passing-ever-faster days.

2 comments:

Naomi said...

You took the words out of my mouth!

cherrie said...

well said!!