Tuesday, March 24, 2009

How to tell a Canadian:

Laura Ingles Wilder, I'm not, but I have to cop to some differences between myself and my American friends, so I've pulled a little list. I thought it would make a good frame of reference to show how normal I am ;) Most of these are borrowed and I've added a few of my own.... but just so you know:

- We stand in "line-ups" or "queues" at the movie, not lines.
- We're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
- We understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my BOWL OF POUTINE"!
- We eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
- We drink pop, not soda.
- We had a Prime Minister who wasn't fluent in either of the official languages (English & French).
- We know what it means to be 'on pogey'.
- We know that a mickey and 2-4's mean there's a party brewing.
- We can drink legally while still a teen in most provinces.
- We talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike (it's an obsession... just look at the number of posts I'VE put in on the topic!).
- We don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars.
- When there is a social problem, we turn to our government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
- We're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and we don't WANT to know if he has!
- We still get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
- To us, Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
- We drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- We know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
- We have Canadian Tire money in our kitchen drawers.
- We know that Mounties rarely look like that.
- We dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
- We know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
- We also know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
- We drive with our headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with "daytime running lights")... but doesn't everyone now?
- We have an Inuit carving somewhere in our home.
- We wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
- Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, we possess a Canadian Passport.
- We use a red pen on our non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color. etc.
- We know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to our extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
- We get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
- We can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
- We can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
- We know what a touque is (it's NOT called a toboggan!) and we all own one and often wear it.
- We know Toronto is NOT a province.
- We never miss "Coach's Corner" during Hockey Night in Canada.
- Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of our favourite food groups.
- Our cars have a cord and plug sticking out of the grill ... it's a block heater for those sub-zero (in Celsius) days.
- We design our Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- Some of us have more kilometres on our snow blowers than our cars.
- We have an average of 10 favourite recipes for wild meat.
- We know that a Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
- We've taken our kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- We know driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
- Some of us owe more money on our snowmobiles than our cars.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- We frequently clean grease off the barbecue so the bears won't prowl on our deck (at least at the lake!).
- We find -40C a little chilly.
- The trunk of our cars double as a portable deep freezes. (so do backyard sheds!)
- The deck or the snowbank outside the back door is an acceptable place to chill and stash beverages at parties.
- We may attend a formal event in our best clothes, our finest jewellery and our Sorels.
- We can sometimes play road hockey on skates.
- We know the 4 seasons are actually: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- We understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
- We perk-up when we hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada" (or at least we used to!).
- We pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
and ... We end *some* sentences with "eh," ... eh?

1 comment:

familyandthesuburbs said...

Laura may have been an American settler but you got a little of her in you ... I do love this list ... :)