Remembering...

There's this thing that most people do.... and I remember that I used to be really good at it too.

They call it sleep.

And there was a time, in my young adulthood, that I spurned it.... too much to do, so much fun to have with not enough hours in a day to accomplish all I desired - sleep was just a waste of time to me then.

It forgave me though and we rebuilt our relationship in the years that followed. Thank goodness too, because after a time I discovered that I really needed sleep.... I'm a much healthier, happier person with sleep in my life.

Parenthood tried to drive us apart, but we survived the early years of my two sons and still had a strong relationship.

Until now.

Sleep is avoiding me now. I'm not sure exactly what I've done, but the relationship is strained to say the least.

What IS insomnia?

Because it's not that I'm not tired.... I'm beyond tired most days, bordering on exhaustion... and I do sleep - but just never enough. Each morning I wake up feeling just a little further behind.... by the afternoon I struggle to stay awake, and by the time I pick up the kids and get home, I'm ready to go to bed.

Unfortunately, as much as I desire sleep, I can not have sleep at that time of day...

Dinner to make, kids activities to see to, their bedtime routines to complete before I can stop....

Only by the time it's all done, I've got a second wind and sleep, for me, is no where to be found.

So I stay up, and play on the computer or watch TV, or if I'm being good, hit the treadmill then shower.... but regardless of how I pass the hours between my children's bedtime and mine, it's very late before the time for sleep gets to me.

So I never get enough.... and haven't for so long now that I suppose I slog through my day to day in a state of chronic fatigue.

Can you catch up on sleep? Because I tried - I actually still felt tired after putting my kids to bed one evening last week.... and the following day was an inservice for the kids with no rush in the morning! So I slept and slept.... woke up in the middle of the night after my usual dose of sleep, and was able to continue sleeping. I must have slept over 10 hours.

But instead of the refreshment I expected to feel the next morning (I finally had REST!), all I felt was a headache.... like a mild hangover from sleep.

That was just wrong.

And then there's this little person who lives in my house.... she's cute, but relentless - and completely oblivious to her mothers NEED for sleep.

She wakes up like a ray of sunshine each morning, after her full night's sleep, and make a beeline for my bed....

"Ah moning mommy!"

"wook - it's moning time!" (as she tries to get me to open my eyes and face the light coming through the bedroom window)

"wake up.... Wake Up.... WAKE UP MOMMY!" (at which point she'll often climb up over me and start threatening to jump on me from the ledge of our headboard).

Sometimes I can make her go away.... "Mommy's not ready honey.... go see Daddy" *might* work... but it's only ever a temporary measure... kind of like pressing snooze on your alarm clock. I may get a few more minutes, but she'll always be back - loud as ever.

Until she wins and Mommy wakes up.

Ugg.

I thought I brushed her off well this weekend... but my girl is not only relentless, she's starting to get devious too....

I got my little wake up call, snuggled her for a minute but succeed in scooting her along into her father's care (he's a chronic early riser - God I love him!)... and she didn't come right back!

But it wasn't too long before my husband came in and plunked down in the bed beside me.

"Your daughter asked me to come in here and tickle you." .... I cracked an eye at the devilish grin on his face...

"She did what? Don't you dare!"

And then I heard my little imp.... out in the hall: She was trying to solicit her older brother into doing the same darn thing!

"Tome ON! Go tickow Mommy!"

(That little monkey!)

So forget it, I admit when I'm beat... I give up already....