Never gonna happen

My daughter is obsessed with the idea of being a big sister.

I'm sure it's directly related to always being the littlest and wanting to be bigger than somebody... anybody. She wants to be bigger so bad.

Her biggest complaint in life is that she's going to be little 'For-Ever'

So I'm really not surprised with how fascinated she is that my sister-in-law is going to have a baby in May. She talks about her baby cousin daily. That's impressive considering she's only seen her auntie's belly 2-3 times in past few months.

Today, when I broke the news to her yet again that she would never be a BIG sister... because she doesn't have any brothers or sisters younger than her, she defiantly informed me that she WAS going to be a big sister... as soon as her baby cousin is born!

I didn't bother correcting her... it's as close as she's going to get. We're obviously just going to have to start spending alot more time with my brother and his lovely wife :)

A Light Went Out

The world lost one of its genuinely beautiful people today... and the lives of several of those close to mine will be much the poorer for it.

N was a woman who walked through this world with a grace that few manage. I'm sure she never crossed paths with anyone who didn't instantly like her. She and her husband H, a man I've had a special affection for since the first time we met, were just on the verge of finally having the time to enjoy life and each other.... something they deserved and had worked lifetimes toward.

But her time ran out. In a matter of months.... weeks that flew by all too fast, she's gone.

And my heart is breaking for him.

It's just so wrong... so unfair that her thread was cut so early - way too young. I'll never be able to understand the injustices of life that allow someone like her... someone so beautiful, to be taken like that.

She's gone and he's alone. When they should be planning vacations and dining with friends. Relaxing together and travelling, enjoying the fruits of a life well spent.

H and N were, are, good friends with my parents. We were friendly, but a generation removed from being good friends ourselves. Still, there was something about them.... something in H that reminded me of the best qualities in my Dad... something that made me like him the minute we were introduced six years ago. He and his wife, N, were perfect together. She was warm and welcoming and kind - and everyone loved her.

I can't help comparing them, and where they were in their lives, to my own parents. Maybe that's why this is hitting me so hard.

I'm grieving. For myself, for my parents who've lost a dear friend.... but mostly for H, the man left behind when her light went out so unexpectedly.

She spent her final days planning her own funeral... never once complaining about her own fate - just worried about how her passing would hurt him.

Why does it always seem like the brightest lights are the ones that burn out too soon?

My head hurts with it all... but not nearly as much as my heart.